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The “Not-So-Christmasy” Christmas Time Movie List To Help During The Holidays

December 25, 2011 Leave a comment

Not Every Christmas Needs To Be So Heartwarming Super Friends Will Still Beat You Up

For all of us who have nothing against Christmas but aren’t so much into the whole spirit of things (for whatever reason!) it can be pretty daunting to have to sit at a Christmas dinner, listen to a lot of Yuletide favorites and gather together for the 100th showing of It’s a Wonderful Life (a great movie by the way!).   So what are we to do?  Well I’ve managed to skip the dinners but when the Christmasy feeling permeates through everything I hear and see, so I have my own way of getting my shot of Christmas without disrespecting my own beliefs, but not falling head long into the mush.  I have my list of Holiday movies.  It’s pretty sparse and the categorization is pretty loose also (if it has at least two or three shots with a Christmas tree – it’s a Christmas movie).  So for all you outcasts who want to say that at least you played a little part in the big party, here are my top X-MAS movies.

1. The Nightmare Before Christmas

Tim Burton’s vision of Christmas is as weirdly wicked as any I’ve ever seen without disrespecting the spirit of the party.  Jack, “the King of Halloween” only wants to be part of the happiness that Christmas brings and so he decides to kidnap Santa Claus and deliver the joy for one night.  He soon learns that each one has their own path in life to play but that that doesn’t make one part lesser or greater than another – a fun movie to watch with adults and with kids with wonderful animation and music.

2. Die Hard 2

Yes, Die Hard 2 is a Christmas movie!  There is snow, Santa Claus, and a lot of live and artificial Christmas Trees.  Bruce Willis is back to kick butt and make an hour and a half of your life pass by without much incident.  Had enough of Miracle on 34th Street, than pop this beauty in and have fun, drink and a beer and know that in life good guys may come last but in Hollywood everything turns out alright in the end.

3. Anything with the Muppets

If I have to go straight Christmasy at least let me do it with the Muppets.  They have a few very good (though not stellar) Christmas specials but A Muppet Christmas Carol always stood out to me as the best of the bunch.  They take Dickens and turn him on his head and it’s certainly more entertaining than singing along to Elvis by the fireplace.

4. Eyes Wide Shut

Stanely Kubric’s last complete film is as bizarre as its title and pretty much divides people’s opinion who think it’s either a masterpiece or a bunch of nothing.  I happen to love the film and it’s set in (you guessed it) Christmas time!  So perhaps this is one for the more solitary non-Christmas lovers.  Pop it in and figure out exactly what the hell is going on with Tom Cruise as he wanders the nights after a chilling confession from his wife.  “It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas” especially when you crash a party where the guests are more than willing to kill you for the intrusion.

5. Ernest Saves Christmas

This is about as dumb of a movie as you can find that is still able to make you laugh and just go along with the ride.  Ernest was a big hit in his time but now he’s mostly forgotten.  Take out this old jewel from your old VHS stack or download it from the net and have yourself a dumbifying Christmas.

6. Batman Returns

One of my favorite holiday movies.  Batman is nasty and doesn’t play around as he tries to keep Gotham safe for the holidays.  Now that I think about it, neither he nor his alter ego, Bruce Wayne, look like the Christmas type.  There is a devilish Penguin and a tantalizing Catwoman, children are kidnapped and the set pieces are beautiful.  Furthermore, the movie still stands up to the test of time and Christopher Nolan.  Tim Burton again delivers his twisted holiday vision with respect and fun for all ages.

7. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

The jolly old man is kidnapped once more – this time by Martians.  Craziness ensues in one the most wonderfully bad movies of all time.  For extra entertainment value – watch it with the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 cast.  This is one movie that will sure to keep you happy after a few too many glasses of wine.

8. How the Grinch Stole Christmas

I am not going to lie, I usually fall asleep halfway through this animated movie (the pacing and the music are very slow) but I still love it.  The Jim Carrey live version is also not as unbearable as people make it out to seem.  The Grinch was just a misunderstood soul in the end.  Which of us can’t relate on some level?  I like to watch this when I am feeling a little bit nasty about the commercialization of the holiday only to then remember that not everyone only thinks of the gifts.

9. South Park Christmas Episodes

Anything involving South Park, Christmas, turds, Jesus and the Devil is an instant classic.  I am sure episodes will be shown on whatever station carries South Park nowadays.  If you can’t find one, download it from the net.  Keep the sprits light with a little acidic irony.  Just don’t watch these with anyone who doesn’t have a thick skin.

10. Reruns of old shows

If there is no way of sitting in front of the telly don’t fight it but find yourself a good cable channel and watch reruns of all the greats – whether it be Lucy or Dick Van Dyke or Transformers or Thundercats.  The list is endless and usually cable TV has no new scheduled programming so they simply pull out the old tapes.  The end of the year is the best time to catch up on the old folks who may have died but whose talent will live on for generations.

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